another one down

Hmmmm. Good weekend but I'm totally knackered after 2 very short nights. But I reason that I will have plenty of time to catch up on lost sleep come vacation. I had originally planned to have a quiet evening on Friday night but somehow managed to end up having fish and chips and 3 bottles of champers. Yes, the Colaba boy is like the devil on your shoulder that you love to indulge.

But I woke up with a headache. At 8:30am. And I frantically searched the room for my paracetemol only to find it 5 minutes later on my bedside table. Gloriously, 2 tablets remained. After gulping them down, I immediately went to work in the kitchen. Funny, you would think handling large amounts of chicken fat at 8:30 with a mild hangover would make you sick. Well, there was some curious rumbling.

And then a frantic dash to the centre as Raquel realised, at the last minute, and already running late (latinos!) that the performance was in Peacock Theatre instead of Sadlers Wells. But we came back in time to start the cooking, which was about the only thing that calmed me down after my Swedish flatmate said she wouldn't be cooking. And so the frantic search for more food began but turns out we didn't need it, there was a riDICulous amount of food, like a good ol' Aiesec potluck with all nationalities - Greek, American, Polish, Croatian, Israeli, Indian, Italian, Chilean, Danish, Jamaican. I was so happy, I had to shake my head a few times to snap out of this strange sense of deja vu but not quite...did we try to make a human tree? I hope someone as pictures.

spice runs through these veins

I've come straight home from work every day this week, preparing some dish with noodles, chinese greens and gobs of ginger, garlic and chilli. Been so used to spice-less dishes that I had almost forgotten how much my body needed these three essential ingredients used in almost all of my mother's cooking.

An unyielding hankering for spicy food, more time spent in the flat, I'm feeling homely lately and I'm at the two week mark. Two weeks until I head back east to Nagaland. Getting more and more excited but then I think, I need to stop the countdown because as quickly as the day comes, it will pass just as quickly and I will be back in London, working, starting and ending in darkness. But I've had my taster, after 2 years of being in the U.K. I finally went to visit my aunt in Milton Keynes, who I hadn't seen for 7 years.

The first thing she asked when I said I was coming was 'what do you eat?' After filling up on succulent spiced pork, mustard greens and aloo, and daal, she asked 'so, what do you want for lunch tomorrow? do you like Burmese food?' Ah, if that's not home, I don't know what is!

like boys with toys

These are the times I know that there's a little raving Indian nationalist inside me. Un-freakin' believable.

drama version 4.1

Now I know how much amusement I provide my friends. After weeks of drama and manic running around from one engagement to the next, recently it's been pretty calm. I spent all of Saturday at home and aside from a few hours of work, I watched a lot of crap American sitcoms while munching on Papa John's, with the comforts of central heating. Now I see other people dealing with their own personal drama (which, by the way doesn't even BEGIN to compare to mine) and it's both funnier and more annoying than any sitcom I've ever seen.

compromise

The body can endure compromise and the mind can be seduced by it. Only the heart protests.

- Jeaneatte Winterson, The PowerBook

free at last!

Resolution is a great thing. Regardless of how things turn out, something abstract is crystallised and provides one with an overwhelming relief. One look, a funny pause, the tone of voice can reveal everything. Especially the things you've refused to acknowledge. It's scary how quickly feelings can change.

Saddam

sentenced to death by hanging' was the BBC headline in the gym. I'm surprised the trial has already come to an end. I thought it would be another Pinochet-esque saga. Strangely disgusted with the outcome. Do I lose my Texan status?

Madredeus

She must have sung at least 4 songs about Lisboa. How does one form such a bond with a place? I smiled, knowing that 20 years from now, I will think back on my time in London as so full of...well, just so full. So crazy. Insane. Just plain fucked up. And that's wonderful.

still in limbo

The day started well enough. Less than 24 hours before I had published my first full-size report, metaphorically popping my 'research' cherry. My team was great, so supportive with everyone wanting to celebrate over drinks. And I did feel a sense of accomplishment. So I wanted to share it. And a full night of rest for the first time in weeks, drifting asleep wondering if I would get to say goodbye to Mel and Maya before they shoved off.

And today. The sky had light as I walked to the bus stop, listening to John Legend's 'Heaven'. Such things make me happy. And the morning at work was good as well, for the first time in weeks I didn't have that albatross of a report hanging over my head. But then the drama came back to me, did it perfectly coincide with Mel's departure? Or Janice's impromptu phone call from KL? Or my colleague's confession that she wanted to cry one minute and laugh the next, all day? What triggered it?

I emailed Karan for a coffee. I needed some distraction, someone unconnected with work who knew my tamasha. Funny, he happens to work in my office. Perhaps it was the presence of someone completely unrelated to work, someone who was familiar with a different side of me but as he spoke, the emotions welled up inside of me, and pushed up against the walls of my chest like waves. I wanted to curl up and cry and I wasn't really sure why. But I was at work. I can't cry at work. That's just not allowed.

Drinks after work with colleagues was a well-deserved distraction. And yet the moment I left them, it came back to me. And I know if I could just let it out, if there was some resolution, the roots would vanish with only a minimal trace of its existence. And so, I wait for the weekend, crowded with parties, two falling on the same night. An important choice presents itself. I know what I want. I know what I will choose. It just makes me sad that things seem to be going in this direction.