the bitch is back

Question: Does banking attract assholes or does it simply turn people into them?

As I'm slowly sucked into the whirlpool of work and the associated stress and drama, I become severe. When I'm in the zone, I ignore everything beyond the edges of the three monitors in front of me, shrug off phone calls, emails, bbg messages, and grunt when colleagues talk to me. When I engage, I'm ruthless. Funny and direct, but ruthless and usually, insulting.

The other day, a fellow graduate came to me, on the verge of tears, told me the majority of her team had just walked out. I know she needed a hug. I felt incredibly sympathetic...and incredibly disgusted. I leaned back on my heels, crossed my arms, shrugged my shoulders. I heard the words before I said them.

You better get used to it.
This is a bank.
This kind of thing happens all the time.

I watched myself, I heard myself, I couldn't believe I was actually saying it though.

This is a dog eat dog world.
This means you have power.
You should use this to your advantage.

I don't believe I'm alone in this perversity. We live divided lives. We say the things we don't believe to survive different contexts and, if we're not careful, we turn into the thing we said we'd never become.