In the mood

Eyelids heavy, muscles sagging and aching, even the DVDs can't distract me anymore and despite a painful chesty cough, I can't stop thinking about how much I want a cigarette so I made pancakes instead. But I really wanted soft batch chocolate chip cookies. I may have stopped drinking but I've just substituted one vice for another, for some reason I think tobacco is the better option but then, one could say there are historical material processes that dictate such preferences. The sun is low in the sky, the light diffused warm orange, skimming my fingers as I type, leaving odd shadows as it filters through the knotted uneveness of the linen curtains, and California comes to mind. I'm verging on boredom, wondering if it wise to skip the painkillers tonight, a vague chill signalling the onset of another feverish episode, gimme gimme gimme I'm in the mood to do something really stupid but I don't know what.