daily amusement

Granted, self-restraint has saved me from incurring bad karma that would set me back a couple of hundred lifetimes, but there are moments I wish there was no filter between brain and tongue. Today, I was asked about my accent by a personal trainer at the gym. He said it was too soft for New York and guessed California to which I responded 'you will never guess'. Finally, I admit Texas along with a few other words, after which he responded 'oh, just heard that faint Cybill Shepherd drawl'. I thought, are you fucking stupid? Really, that's like reaching into your ass and finding absolutely nothing to show for it. Cybill Shepherd has one of the heaviest Texan accents I can recall and I sound nothing like her you jack-ass. For your sake I really hope you're better at getting people into shape than impressing them with your knowledge of American accents. And no, for the last time, I don't want to 'chat' with you about my fitness goals. Are you implying I need to lose weight? Wanker.

Now, 2 pictures come to mind. In one, the trainer, his jaw on the floor, starts crying like a baby. In the other, his hands fly up to my neck and start choking me.

Note to self: stop reading celebrity tabloids.