beauty in the breakdown

perhaps it is simply spring. there's a buzz in the air, everything is so much MORE. i listen to keane and frou frou at least once a day, vocal chords experiencing heights they haven't reached in years. i want to spin in warm texas downpours or taste wet grass.

what is it?

the more i hurt, the more i believe in life and love. the older i get, the younger i feel. everything is full of ambivalence - i want to scream always, both from rage and joy. i want to do something extraordinary or nothing at all. i sometimes find myself tugging at my shirt, pulling at my chest, subconsciously trying to crack myself open. this body cannot contain whatever is trying to get out. perhaps lightning is about the strike.