not in the mood

If I've calculated correctly, I haven't blogged in almost 2 months. So? I'm thinking about my current account today. Because that's what the Halifax commercial is telling me to do. I'm sat in my new flat by myself, two Siamese cats curled up on a cushion in front of the radiator. I now live on a main road in Islington, I can hear the big red buses rumbling by and the occasional Essex girl or drunken lad screaming at someone below my window. Such a classy society. The other day some guy slapped my ass in broad daylight. I'm still not sure that really happened. Can't they move Arsenal stadium? But I think now it's the Emirates stadium. It would be the one time I would welcome Sharia law.

Stuff has happened, both good and bad, but generally speaking I'm glad to be back in London and oh my god the people on American TV look more and more fake with each day that passes. Sorry, distracted by crap TV on my flatmate's TV, I think it's One Tree Hill. Been to Texas and back, saw one friend get married and managed to piss off another and also racked up enough points on the guilt train run by the parents to last a couple of months. Home wasn't good, to put it bluntly, I kicked myself for not making more of an effort and paid for it on the way back. Life goes on, though it was enough to make me say, definitively, I cannot go back. All is well, for once, on this bloody island. The only thing that can screw it up now is a pig or lamb pandemic.

like water rushing

Weeks are dissolving before my eyes. Momma Russia came and went like the breeze, Mel is on her way in for a night of debauchery with Wonderwoman and myself, and I'm already planning a trip East that won't happen until September. Events pass too quickly to worry or reflect. Though, I always have something to look forward to these days.Two 4-day weeks, my Friday the 13th, 3 days of off-site training, 2 weeks at home with the family, and eventually, a return to Porto for some days in the sun and the festival of San Joao, carrying me to the end of June.

Still, my greatest pleasure these days are sitting on the bus, next to window, listening to my iPod, pretending the street theatre is for my eyes only.

Inland Empire

Without a doubt, Lynch's best film yet. It's the closest thing to a dream I've seen outside a dream.

Like most of his work, I never want to see it again. I've also never left a theatre completely speechless, grinning ear to ear thinking, that was fucking awesome.

the bitch is back

Question: Does banking attract assholes or does it simply turn people into them?

As I'm slowly sucked into the whirlpool of work and the associated stress and drama, I become severe. When I'm in the zone, I ignore everything beyond the edges of the three monitors in front of me, shrug off phone calls, emails, bbg messages, and grunt when colleagues talk to me. When I engage, I'm ruthless. Funny and direct, but ruthless and usually, insulting.

The other day, a fellow graduate came to me, on the verge of tears, told me the majority of her team had just walked out. I know she needed a hug. I felt incredibly sympathetic...and incredibly disgusted. I leaned back on my heels, crossed my arms, shrugged my shoulders. I heard the words before I said them.

You better get used to it.
This is a bank.
This kind of thing happens all the time.

I watched myself, I heard myself, I couldn't believe I was actually saying it though.

This is a dog eat dog world.
This means you have power.
You should use this to your advantage.

I don't believe I'm alone in this perversity. We live divided lives. We say the things we don't believe to survive different contexts and, if we're not careful, we turn into the thing we said we'd never become.

who said lawyers were boring?

You know the shit has hit the proverbial fan when your middle class begins to make noise.

Lawyers in Pakistan have been protesting the detainment of their chief justice by the president's authority.

watching, waiting

I heard her come in while I was drying my hair. Finally, I could give her the money that was entrusted to me. When he gave me the money, I immediately thought, I hope I'm not robbed. But if I'm robbed, would I have to pay him back? It wouldn't have been my fault, so why would I have to pay him back? But then, the pool would be 100 short, and it wouldn't be fair for him to pay twice. Well, he shouldn't have given it to me in the first place. At least banks have deposit schemes. But I'm not a bank. Banks charge interest. I should have charged him interest.

I shoved the bills inside my hoody and padded to the kitchen. She was changing the bin liner, oblivious to my presence behind her. I just leaned back and waited for her to turn around. As her head swivelled around, she screamed and then covered her mouth.
Stupid girl.
I knew that would happen.
Why didn't you say anything?
I wanted to see what would happen.

True or False, is that weird?

The Last King of Scotland...in technicolor

My mobile wakes me up but the alarm is what keeps me from falling back to sleep. I've grown used to the radio voices on the morning show, pausing from the morning ablutions to chime along with the boop - boop - boooooo, it's 6 o'clock now, time for the morning news. Monday morning, I hear that Morgan Tsvangirai had been taken into police custody, along with a number of others after a political rally in Harare had been broken up, one man killed.

Shit, I thought. He's dead. I'm reminded of the fate of Steve Biko.

It's an odd feeling, knowing that in all probability someone is about to die, a nasty horrible death, for the sake of a principle, while I apply a facial moisturiser that probably cost more than one month's salary for the average worker in India. In the financial world, the motto is consumption is good, in fact eventually, it makes the world better all around.

Really? Really really?

But, I'm relieved to hear the man is alive, happy he isn't backing down from his agenda out of fear. History (or in my case, Hollywood) teaches us not to put too much faith in political opposition leaders in Africa. It all seems an enlightening, if not miserable, lesson in the concept of hope.